My Words, Your Words

I have come to this place again
The rusty place where you only can see two colors
Sadness crashed down to this place

I sometimes remember
How I love this place
and I sometimes forget
How I hate this life

I always looked cheerfully
without noticing the cries of my heart
Actually I turned my eyes from the reality
and denied the truth

I already said lots of things
But you won't understand
Because I don't even want you to understand
No matter how hard you try
It's just never good enough

Why the smiling face of that person
looks dazzling and so tender?
I feel that the person you always think
is somehow like the person I always think as well

I don't learn how to be strong
I only learn how to pretend to be strong
No one knows about the real me
Even myself

What can be done? My efforts are useless
You're just an innocent child
You need some more time to understand

No matter how hard I try
I still feel so blue
and you're still freshly green

Maybe I just have to stop or wait
Until I find...

All I can see around me is just a fragments
Maybe it was me who shattered into pieces
I know that you're in denial

I just don't understand
When good intentions are rejected
Nothing is important anymore right?
You should leave the fake hope
I don't want to see fake smile anymore
You shake your head
I should know from the beginning
You're just an illusion of happiness

Two of us believing the same future
Which will never come
You're not a lifeless doll
That always putting a mask of happiness in your face
You know we're so devastated inside

I'm weak, if you say I'm strong, I'm lying
Tenderness and selfishness, I just can't see it anymore
How do you see me? I can't see the real shape of myself

I'm not desperately asking for compassion
Tell me a sweet lie and this body will be devoured
Infect me with your lies and fill me with your poison
Please show me madness

Something inside me has disappeared
Even if you don't believe me
Just face it, be hurt, feel the pain

Maybe I'm just afraid of being hurt by believing but...
I have the courage to let go of something and...
What you see within me is something you have done in the past so...
I will stay as myself forever

When my world was in darkness
I'm denying my own existence
I wished someone would say, "It's a lie"

In this dirty world
The translucent heart has been shattered
I'm not even tired denying things
As if I'm not myself

It was too sudden
I don't know if I could accept it
Everything looks fine and active as usual
As if nothing had happened

I remember those words
I hear a voice saying "don't cry anymore"
But I don't want something pointless
You know that words are powerless

I want to keep believing
Something true and unchanging
Something pure and transparent
Something real and trustworthy

I want to believe that
We're living up our life
Until the day we're die
Until we're become stronger
Until we're become more tender

Portrait of happiness is clinging to
My old self which has dead
Along with the memories from the past
There's no sounds of laughter
It's quiet like the silent night

There's nothing can take away my courage
No one is going to take away my courage
I won't stay blind and deaf to overcome this fear
Because of the haunting illusion

When the happiness is possessing me
The shape of this world probably changed

Wind of justice are blindly following the shadow
There's no sign of tomorrow
Lights of sorrow are illuminating this universe
I wonder who will survive

My inner appearance is struggling
I always seek for freedom and then suffering
I fall down without even expressing my affections

Even if you don't believe me
I'm still continue living until now
Because I'm not dead yet
I'm not fully awake

I've always been living in the present
Spring has come and Winter has gone
Summer will come soon and Fall follows next
It was inevitable, I repeated such a life

What did you saw yesterday?
What do you see today?
What will you see tomorrow?
Can you embrace them all?
I believe you can

Do you still have the same dream?
Four seasons has passed, what is it like?
Do you give up with your love?
Where is that love now?
I don't have even one regret

Again and again I want to shout
Not to forget you at any time
But, you were crying and your voices ceased
How do I look in your eyes?

I wonder if
When I fall in love next time
Will it be with someone who has your name again?
Will you smiling together with the falling petals?
I want to feel the warm breezy wind of spring once again

Please ring that bell
The bell that bears happiness tone
So I can feel the warmth of Spring
Even though the snow is falling

Time has passed
If crying makes it better, then cry
Will you?

Can you feel the pain in this face?
The scattered face with no shape
All those scars are the proof
The proof that I'm the same as you

You shout, You laugh, You cry
Don't you understand?
You live a life in a normal way
Don't you think so?
This is not a game

We're sinners and you can't deny it
Searching for the lost answer desperately
To the end of the world

Can you see it? Can you feel it?
The fresh blood flows within you
When your heart is stabbed by sharp words
It's spills all over the place
Feel the pressure and be desperate
So you can keep struggling

When you feel so alive like yesterday
You act like never want to lose that feeling again
When you feel so alive like today
You're pretending didn't see the deep red scenery
Isn't that a lie?

We're sinners and you can't deny it
Stabbing and piercing one another with "Our way of life"
Revealing another face endlessly

...endlessly

Something inside my mind
Demand to attack each other
Because the darkness in your mind shines brightly

Your wish and your excitement
It's all in your head
But when terrific moments come
Everything devastated into anger
Don't tell me it was a major mistake

I can tell that your heart is hungry
Because time will tell
When your own standard eat you up

Your own standard, pride, and excitement
Wrap it all in your own mind because this is a not a game
Everyone wants to win and no one wants to lose either

I wish that novelty wears off in the moment of time
So I can go through the stormy seas
We're not above the board but we live in a land
I want to get rid of all influences

Let us cross the world's limit
To go through the borderline
Let us be blind and be deaf
To live at the present time

The sadness keeps resonating
Just like a sharp blade
Pierced through my feelings

Words that proclaimed in this universe
Is not an empty dream
Just like an empty vessel
Vacillated to the bottom of the sea

I will praise these poisonous words
So I can continue fly to the highest place
Your voice calling out for me
Always only turns into sadness

But if...

The world is began to diminish
In this land of wilderness
We only can see the loveless creature
So where is the freedom?

My powerless body is sinking to the past
If you can’t see me, then it’s like I’m not there
My darkening heart keeps yearning
If you can't feel me, then it's like I'm not there

Notes:
My first writing in 2011, for this year I'm aiming to write something more complicated, which makes the reader wondering if they can interpret it very well or not, there's no secret here actually. Anyway, please welcome 2011 and Happy (Chinese) New Year! Since I forgot~